Last weekend was a roller coaster of emotions for me. I had complete sadness to overwhelming gratitude. I started to think about love and the power that love has on our emotions, our soul and our minds.
Last weekend, on Saturday, we had to put my childhood dog down to rest.She was my first real experience with having a dog as a pet. I was 13 when we got her in Portugal at a market for 20 Euros. We were on vacation there and originally we were going to give her to my grandma. Over the next few days I couldn’t see life without her cute little face.
She was taken away from her mom way to early and still needed to be bottle fed so we created this special bond with her because it felt like she was an actual human baby. We brought her back to the states and Mimi, that was her name, stayed alongside us for 15 years. She was my mom’s companion and her best friend. Mimi always was playful even after being blind and death she managed to find a way to get her chew toy and play. She was a great dog. She was special.
She got very sick though and began having seizures and on Friday night I went to my parents’ house for dinner and as soon as I got there I gave Mimi a big hug and a kiss. I think the excitement got to her and she had a seizure. That same night she had three more seizures … The next morning I went back there to be with her and she had another one and this time my heart didn’t feel confident and I noticed Mimi wasn’t the same anymore… We took her to the vet and honestly it was the longest 4-5 hours of my life…
My mom was away in Portugal with my nieces and hoped that Mimi would wait for her to get home before she left us and God knows I hoped for that too because my heart was breaking for my mom… As I told my mom that Mimi was suffering over the phone I heard the despair in her voice and the hurt… It was then I realized how strong love can be.
I realized that my heart was hurting for two reasons, for Mimi and for my mom. I realized that my mom’s heart was broken and that the love she had for Mimi was so deep and so strong because they had a very special bond. I know Mimi was trying to stay but she was tired. She was so tired… When they told me that she was “gone” I screamed and I hugged her so hard. I didn’t want to let her go. For people that don’t have animals this whole thing sounds ridiculous. An animal becomes a part of your family though. Mimi was like my little sister and in that moment I knew I needed to protect her. My mom wasn’t here and I needed to be the one taking care of her and loving her and reassuring my mom that this was the right decision.
Love is so powerful. It’s an overwhelming feeling that takes over your whole being. Everyone has something or someone that they have felt this immense love for. I love love. It’s a feeling that I long for a feeling that I try to always put first. In all this realization of how amazing it is that love can be so big even when it comes to how you feel about an animal, it’s no surprise to me that God is love. It’s not a surprise to me that the one who created love is love. Man… can you even imagine the amount of love that God must have inside of Him? I like to imagine things in my head because I am a very visual learner and I just imagine Gods heart being supersonic and sparkly and glittery( I am also very girly).
On Sunday when I woke up I cried remembering everything that had happened the days before. I had to get up to go to church and we were actually going to need to be there all day for every service. Honestly, I was not excited for it. I just wanted to stay home lay on my couch and cry, but ultimately I knew that’s the place I needed to be, in my Father’s house. I am so glad I went. God began to speak to my heart and it felt like he hugged my heart. Love began to love on me.
I know that everyone has hard times and the loss of a dog is so much smaller than the loss of a person in your life. For me this was the biggest pain I have felt in my life till now and honestly I thank God for that. I explained that loss to you to make the point that God is love. The love you have for someone will never compare to the love He has for you. When you face these moments of hurt in your life remember that the one who is love wants to love you. Its ok to be upset. Its ok to feel the hurt. Its ok to cry out to Him and ask Him why. Remember that God wants to love you and speak to you even in these tough times and the only way you’ll hear Him is if you surrender to His loving arms and you quiet your soul to hear His voice.
I pray that in every circumstance of my life I always find my soul in Christ and in His love. There is nothing sweeter than that. Loss of any kind hurts and leaves marks on your heart, I understand. God is the healer of those hurts and His joy can overtake you again.
She left footprints on our hearts …